It's not my cup of tea

Hey guys,

I will pick right back up like I never left you. I'm so sorry for the long silence, lack of posting I've been crazy busy with Uni and everything else.

Today's post may seem a bit reflective and honest but it is what I'm feeling and I'm sure many of you reading have felt it too.

It's a very British thing to say 'He or she is not my cup of tea' it is a way to describe a dislike for something in a polite way. This phrase has been resounding in my head for some days now and not particularly due to something I don't like but because I feel I may not be some people's cup of tea. Reading this you may think 'Gosh c'mon Zoe that's common sense, you win some, you lose some' but for me in my head I've been living in a world where I feel that once you give love it is an automatic thing that you will receive it back. Basically in my ideal world love would be reciprocal.....

I have lived 8767 days here on earth and no I did not just count every single day since 199* up until now on my calendar I used Age calculator. 8767 may be a lot of days for me to have realised that 9 times out of 10 love is in fact not reciprocal and there will be many instances where you will feel emotionally cheated whereby you are the only one giving, giving, giving and the other party is taking. Nope I am not in a relationship for those wondering I am talking about simple platonic relationships.

My lovely mother has always warned me by saying 'Guard your heart Zoe' 'You go far to deeply emotionally into friendships' 'Take people for who they are' 'Don't be surprised if you are treated differently from what you expect'. I have heard it time and time again but I still choose to give people the benefit of the doubt and continue to let my feelings get hurt without voicing it out to the other person. It may not be a deliberate act from the other person but trust me I am way too sharp not to realise a sudden change in character.

I think I speak on behalf of the majority that if anyone has a problem with you as a person you would much rather prefer to be told then to be treated as though you are dirt on a person's shoe. For someone like me who has a mountain of insecurities little things trigger me off and drag me into a world of non-stop thinking. 'Was it something I said' 'What's the sudden change in attitude' 'What could I have possibly done' These are some of the things that will be playing on my mind for hours on end. If you're lucky you may even get a tear out of me.

It's sad but it is reality... These things happen time and time again to me and unfortunately for me I'm way too childish to learn from previous occurrences. Maybe it's the new trend that I'm still not used to. I think the trend is called like me today and loathe me tomorrow !

who knows? Only God knows ....

But from this day forward it's time to guard our hearts! Who's with me?

x x x