It's been a while but I've been doing a lot of thinking and I thought I will let you in a bit.
Insecurity is something very close to my heart I'm sure its close to yours too even as you continue reading you'll find out why your heart resonates with what I'm saying.
I speak on behalf of my ladies out there....
You look in the mirror daily and you don't like what you see this time. Is it because your hair isn't in the perfect order?
Is it because your skin looks greasier than usual and you can see some spots about to break through your skin making you feel more self conscious than usual?
Is it just me or is that different mirrors give you different messages about the way you look on a particular day. "Today I'm going to avoid that mirror in the hallway because it makes me look too dark and the lighting is so wrong"
"Tomorrow I'm going to make sure I only look in the mirror that is upstairs in my bathroom because it tells me what my head wants to hear"
You repeat to yourself that you won't maintain eye contact for more than 5 seconds just incase they start analysing all the imperfections on our cheeks. "I'd rather speak fast to avoid any sort of chance for them to notice the bags under my eyes you say"
The next day you look in the mirror you see a particular blemish or outbreak that wasn't there the previous day and you wonder how will face the crowd and be able to look at anyone in the eye.
You forget to eat the amount of vegetables you said you'd be eating everyday in order to maintain your fresh looking skin therefore because you forgot you feel that any moment from now a spot will come out and you won't look as good as you think you should be looking. Therefore to compensate you will eat double the amount to make yourself feel better.
You wonder why every other girl is getting attention and you are left alone in the corner not being looked at. "Is it because I'm ugly or I've added a bit of weight"?
"I'll skip a meal today and then take laxatives so I can shed a few quick pounds just to look more attractive for my cheekbones to stand out because that is what is "attractive" according to society.
"He smiled at me yesterday, but today he just glanced and quickly took his face away".
"This must mean I'm looking unatractive today, my skin feels greasier than usual and my clothes don't fit that well"
You are constantly being bombarded with the idea of that perfect look. You see all these "perfect" celebrities in magazines, newspapers, snapchat, instagram. You think to yourself having a big bum is the new thing now and a thigh gap means I will be much more attractive and thinner. Once only models cared about the fact that their legs must not touch each other as this will signify that they are putting on weight. Now it is the "in thing" and more and more of us are wanting to make sure we have a thigh gap so we are deemed more attractive and look better in our bikinis. Therefore the answer to that is "Let me skip breakfast and dinner" "I'll just eat crackers" "Let me put my hands down my throat" "I can't leave those four slices of pizza inside of me" "When I wake up tomorrow morning my belly will be fat if I don't do something about it".
You say to yourself -
"Thank God for instagram filters and snapchat filters, at least I can feel gorgeous or more attractive for the 24 hours that my picture is uploaded to my story on snapchat or I can get some validation from my followers on instagram based on the number of likes I get on Instagram. As you post the picture you ask yourself "Why hasn't the picture I just posted on instagram got as many likes as my friend?" "Naaaa, let me quickly take it down, I probably didn't get the angle right on the picture or practice my pouting a bit better"
BUT Why do we have to use social media to validate ourselves? This is the question...
If we don't get enough likes or a special snap chat inbox message saying "Gurl you like fine" It means I have failed. It means I'm not beautiful.
"What are these celebrities doing better than I am doing"? You constantly compare yourself to these celebrities and feel inadequate if you don't look half as good.
You don't have enough in the bank account yet you say "I have to get a new outfit and some new shoes" "I can't be caught wearing these old flats, they are so yesterday"
"Wait I don't even have a Michael Kors handbag" Immediately you feel like crap!
"My cheap £30 Bag won't cut it"
"I'm going to have to not go out as I don't think I will look as good carrying a non designer bag"
WHY Ladies? WHY are we continuously feeling like this? This is my question!
No matter how beautiful we are or no matter how many compliments we get on a daily basis we still feel like we are not good enough.
I am a number one victim to this and not afraid to admit it.
Truth is you are not alone we all go through it. What I've mentioned above is a fraction of insecurities that take place on a daily basis, Ive probably scratched the surface.
I really hope one day Insecurity will be a thing of the past and we will look at ourselves in the mirror and love what we see foreal!
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| It's so real that I had a moment on Twitter just last night |
