Monday 29 February 2016
KCC Announcement segment- Zoe Briggs
Hi everyone,
I have recently started to head the annoucement section for my church. I would like to share my videos with you each week to get your feedback. Watch and let me know what you think!
Thanks
Zoe Briggs
Monday 25 January 2016
My book review
Hello everybody and a very Happy new year.
I feel I should say that as it has been quite some time since my last post. Although we are already into the 25th day of the new year, unbelievable!!!
I recently just finished reading a novel titled 'Beside myself' by Ann Morgan. I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to share my review of the book with you all below, hopefully this will encourage you to go out and read it too.
I feel I should say that as it has been quite some time since my last post. Although we are already into the 25th day of the new year, unbelievable!!!
I recently just finished reading a novel titled 'Beside myself' by Ann Morgan. I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to share my review of the book with you all below, hopefully this will encourage you to go out and read it too.
Rated it 4 stars
Beside myself by Ann Morgan is described as a
psychological thriller, one that definitely messes with your psyche. This novel
represents a deep, excruciating, agonizing
exploration of identity, genetics, and mental illness. Ann takes you through
what seems like an unending maze.
Due
to the obstacles faced the character (Helen/Ellie/Smudge) which are all one
person become truly fascinating as you see her morph into different
personalities all in search of her original soul.
In
the heat of the moment it is nothing but a simple fun childish joke. No one
ever expects that it will open the window to unending psychological torment
that leads to a loss of identity one that is incomprehensible.
In a world where you’ve always been ahead of
the game, the most popular, adored by your mother and a guaranteed future ahead
of you; imagine this abruptly ending because your twin sister decides to change
the rules of the game by refusing to swap back.
Ann
Morgan presents two little girls Helen and Ellie, identical twins who are
inseparable. Often described as two peas in a pod, but deep down both girls
know that Helen is the leader of the pack and Ellie remains the tag along
sister. Ellie does not perform well in school and lives in the shadow of her
sister. One day they think it will be fun to swap places for a brief moment and
trick their mother to see if she’d notice. A moment ends up turning into a life
time.
After
managing to fool everybody including their mother which as a reader you're
bound to raise an eyebrow at. How can a mother not know which daughter is
which? Or does she know and decide to play along with it for some sick twisted
reason which is a question that lingers on in your mind throughout the novel up
until a certain point.
Helen
begs to swap back but Ellie is loving being Helen, loving having all the
attention and loving her new personality so much so that days turn into years.
A
game should have an end but Ann Morgan purposely stretches the longevity of the
game leaving the reader feeling so uncomfortable which may be a downside to
some but is what created the thrill.
“With so many obstacles you struggle to
believe that life could be such a bastard as to bring him here, now, crashing
the party of your happiness. It seems too cruel a joke.”
After
many years her sister ends up in a coma following an accident. You are left
wondering, hoping that Helen will get her original life back. As a reader it
even leaves you confused as to whether it was even her life in the first place.
Irrespective of the emotional
rollercoaster which seems unending this book keeps you wanting more and more,
never a dull moment and a challenging read. Although at times it could get
confusing as each chapter time
passed from the present to the future until the two connected at the end of the
novel. There were many moments in the book that will leave you clinging on to
hope for Helen but not long after that her hope will be dashed which almost
makes you want to cry. Ann Morgan has a way of getting the reader so engrossed
in the novel you will feel as though you are watching a movie.
Described
by Lucy Caldwell the author of all the beggars riding as 'The stuff of
nightmares is made literal… Fabulous'
A
rollercoaster ride that takes you on a climax but lets you down as you get to
the end. The ending wasn’t what you'd expect and leaves you wanting much more.
Being the first time reading a
psychological thriller this is a recommendation for anyone who likes twisted
story plots and likes crazy situations. It is not for the faint hearted.
Beside myself
By Ann Morgan
Waterstones, £12.99 313pp
xxx
Saturday 14 November 2015
Should I begin to question my gender?
I have no choice but to question what it actually means to be a woman, how do we define the term woman?
Based on society today am I really a woman? Or am I just a woman because I can dress in fancy clothes, put weave on my head, paint my nails, wear a push up bra, wear 6 inch heels, pay to get my boobs bigger, wax the whole hair off of my body....
I can't make myself have periods though or pay to experience the pain of carrying a child for 9 months then deal with having to get my body back in shape 9 months afer. Added to that is the morning sickness, hormonal imbalances, mood swings, sore boobs and hot flushes.
Feel free to add more to the list......
The media and society have left me with no choice but to feel really confused..
It is becoming increasingly tiresome seeing Bruce Jenner celebrated and honoured for being 'a woman' Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong in honouring a true woman for what they do if it is for worthy causes. For example female veterans who loose limbs for worthy causes? What about them?
I do not feel that dressing up for 6months-1year as a woman warrants in any recognition at all. Glamour magazine recently gave Bruce Genner the Transgender Champion award at American GLAMOUR's Women of the Year awards.
I think it is an absolute insult, there are so many real women out there who have dedicated their lives to society and have done amazing things yet there is no coverage on their story Why?
Somebody please tell me why the media deems it is so necessary to celebrate and honour Bruce Jenner in the way it continously does? He does not know for one second what it truly feels to be like me a WOMAN.
Correct me if I am wrong but from what I can see, the media claps its hands at the fact that if you wake up one day and say you always knew you were a woman and have felt like this your whole life then its ok for the public to suddenly just adjust to what they've always known you as which has been a MAN for 66 years of your life, you've had 3 wives, been an Olympic gold medalist and had numerous kids.
I guess its ok becuse he's a celebrity to just phone up Diane Saywer to interview him, cry a little, give a sob story on TV and expect the whole nation to jump on the bandwagon and label him as a hero?
I certainly do not agree one bit, he's not my hero and will never be.
I've been a woman for the whole of my life, been through many things and haven't one day been awarded for being a woman. If he is being awarded for being a woman what makes me so different from him?
Let me tell you there is actually a difference....
Being a woman is much more than a wig, makeup, false boobs, heels and false nails. To me being a woman enbodies so much more, it is much more complex than the outward apperance. There is this strength that comes from within that we uphold ourselves with, a woman is very powerful both mentally and on a spiritual level. We are built to be able to withstand multiple things at once and still smile at the same time. There is a way that a woman puts a home together. Being a woman means being strong, because you’ll find that your womanhood will need that strength, and when you let it, sometimes that strength will even find you.
Based on society today am I really a woman? Or am I just a woman because I can dress in fancy clothes, put weave on my head, paint my nails, wear a push up bra, wear 6 inch heels, pay to get my boobs bigger, wax the whole hair off of my body....
I can't make myself have periods though or pay to experience the pain of carrying a child for 9 months then deal with having to get my body back in shape 9 months afer. Added to that is the morning sickness, hormonal imbalances, mood swings, sore boobs and hot flushes.
Feel free to add more to the list......
The media and society have left me with no choice but to feel really confused..
It is becoming increasingly tiresome seeing Bruce Jenner celebrated and honoured for being 'a woman' Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong in honouring a true woman for what they do if it is for worthy causes. For example female veterans who loose limbs for worthy causes? What about them?
I do not feel that dressing up for 6months-1year as a woman warrants in any recognition at all. Glamour magazine recently gave Bruce Genner the Transgender Champion award at American GLAMOUR's Women of the Year awards.
I think it is an absolute insult, there are so many real women out there who have dedicated their lives to society and have done amazing things yet there is no coverage on their story Why?
Somebody please tell me why the media deems it is so necessary to celebrate and honour Bruce Jenner in the way it continously does? He does not know for one second what it truly feels to be like me a WOMAN.
Correct me if I am wrong but from what I can see, the media claps its hands at the fact that if you wake up one day and say you always knew you were a woman and have felt like this your whole life then its ok for the public to suddenly just adjust to what they've always known you as which has been a MAN for 66 years of your life, you've had 3 wives, been an Olympic gold medalist and had numerous kids.
I guess its ok becuse he's a celebrity to just phone up Diane Saywer to interview him, cry a little, give a sob story on TV and expect the whole nation to jump on the bandwagon and label him as a hero?
I certainly do not agree one bit, he's not my hero and will never be.
I've been a woman for the whole of my life, been through many things and haven't one day been awarded for being a woman. If he is being awarded for being a woman what makes me so different from him?
Let me tell you there is actually a difference....
Being a woman is much more than a wig, makeup, false boobs, heels and false nails. To me being a woman enbodies so much more, it is much more complex than the outward apperance. There is this strength that comes from within that we uphold ourselves with, a woman is very powerful both mentally and on a spiritual level. We are built to be able to withstand multiple things at once and still smile at the same time. There is a way that a woman puts a home together. Being a woman means being strong, because you’ll find that your womanhood will need that strength, and when you let it, sometimes that strength will even find you.
Monday 5 October 2015
Dear heart what does falling in love really mean?
There are often too many thoughts and feelings that prove hard for me to articulate or to put into words.
Nine times out of ten I am in my own world of thoughts calculating, imagining, praying, hoping and wishing that one day the sentence falling in love will make sense to me. As it stands in my head it means an inseparable force that pulls two people together or am I just thinking too deeply?
I don't really have a live platform where I can emulate what true couple love is or what it means, or let me say I haven't really seen true love played out in front of me with the couples I have grown up with #Cryptic
On social media you often see #Couple goals #BAE #Theloveofmylife. Honestly it gets a bit tiring seeing these hash tags because I can't help but think 'how do you really know if these so called couples are happy?' The rate at which break ups occur is alarming sometimes, you think it will last forever then the next minute you hear its over...
Just because you see a picture of a couple posing together smiling, it actually doesn't mean anything.
Well according to Urban dictionary the phrase falling in love is often used when you are constantly thinking about someone and you can't seem to get them off of your mind. Your heart skips a beat each time you see the person, you get butterflies in your stomach, they are the last person you think about before you go to sleep e.t.c.
I think about food all the time, my heart skips a beat each time I see a nice plate of food, I get butterflies in my stomach each time I see a mouth watering dish and food is the last thing on my mind right before I sleep LOL so I guess I am in love with food then! Ha...
In all seriousness falling in love sounds quite intense when you think of it.... If you pick the words apart and say it in your head quite a number of times it has much more weight than briskly saying it without thinking about it. To fall means to drop or descend down imagine descending down into a pool of love. The thought of it is actually so comforting :)
But then again if this phrase is anything to go by, if you did fall in love why did the relationship end so quickly? Was it really love?
Maybe falling in love is an outdated form of expression... Maybe loving Bae should be the new term I don't know...
I choose to stick by 'Falling in love' because when I do fall in love I want it to be forever.
<3 xxx
Nine times out of ten I am in my own world of thoughts calculating, imagining, praying, hoping and wishing that one day the sentence falling in love will make sense to me. As it stands in my head it means an inseparable force that pulls two people together or am I just thinking too deeply?
I don't really have a live platform where I can emulate what true couple love is or what it means, or let me say I haven't really seen true love played out in front of me with the couples I have grown up with #Cryptic
On social media you often see #Couple goals #BAE #Theloveofmylife. Honestly it gets a bit tiring seeing these hash tags because I can't help but think 'how do you really know if these so called couples are happy?' The rate at which break ups occur is alarming sometimes, you think it will last forever then the next minute you hear its over...
Just because you see a picture of a couple posing together smiling, it actually doesn't mean anything.
Well according to Urban dictionary the phrase falling in love is often used when you are constantly thinking about someone and you can't seem to get them off of your mind. Your heart skips a beat each time you see the person, you get butterflies in your stomach, they are the last person you think about before you go to sleep e.t.c.
I think about food all the time, my heart skips a beat each time I see a nice plate of food, I get butterflies in my stomach each time I see a mouth watering dish and food is the last thing on my mind right before I sleep LOL so I guess I am in love with food then! Ha...
In all seriousness falling in love sounds quite intense when you think of it.... If you pick the words apart and say it in your head quite a number of times it has much more weight than briskly saying it without thinking about it. To fall means to drop or descend down imagine descending down into a pool of love. The thought of it is actually so comforting :)
But then again if this phrase is anything to go by, if you did fall in love why did the relationship end so quickly? Was it really love?
Maybe falling in love is an outdated form of expression... Maybe loving Bae should be the new term I don't know...
I choose to stick by 'Falling in love' because when I do fall in love I want it to be forever.
<3 xxx
Monday 24 August 2015
Dear Madam Tussauds you have done no wrong in my eyes...
In the words of Phaedra Parks from the real Housewives of Atlanta If it walks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck."
I'm sure you are getting my gist right about now. Earlier this month Madam Tussauds in Las Vegas released the wax figure of Nicki Minaj as demonstrated below on all fours based on a scene from her record breaking video for Anaconda. Immediately when I saw this figure I was really short of words and all I could do was gasp. Although I remember thinking how real it really looked.....
To be quite honest I really felt disgusted looking at it and thought to myself if she is really trying to be a role model like for young girls who look up to her and love her music this is definitely not helping in any way.
What then further fuelled my annoyance was a video on Facebook I watched by Janet Mock talking about Nicki Minaj as being a victim of violation and objectification. Sort of blaming Madam Tussauds which I think is out of line.
Can somebody please explain to me how Nicki Minaj is a victim in any way shape or form?
Fair enough its a person's choice if you have chosen continuously to portray yourself as an image of lust and sex do you boo but then please accept the consequences of your actions!
According to Janet Mock via video she released on Facebook many people like her side eyed the figure in disgust, not because it depicts Nicki in a sexual way but because her "Her body is being taken out of context and being made to be some sort of prop, a stand in for other people's desires and fantasies''. Hold on I thought that's what the music industry was all about? correct me if I'm wrong but all I see in music videos these days is bum, boobs and basically nakedness. Why then suddenly when this figure is released Nicki is some sort of victim?
Poor Madam Tussauds they were just doing their job, doing what they always do with the celebrities they immortalize. Madam Tussauds in fact defended their choice to the Fader magazine
by saying "We made the decision to celebrate Minaj's unforgettable pose (The Anaconda video) because it resulted as one of the most iconic videos ever produced. As with all people we immortalize in our attractions her representatives were kept informed every step of the way during the figure creation process"
By that statement it is clear that Nicki in fact was aware of the creation process and was informed every step of the way and could have refused the figure to be moulded in this sort of position but in fact she hailed the figure all over her social media calling it 'Iconic'.
If the so called 'Victim' herself is in awe of the figure and loving it why is it so shocking that visitors will be groping the breasts of the statue and fondling the figure?
It makes me so confused that Janet would say that Tussauds intentionally chose to position her this way on all fours and "didn't do enough to protect her". It is not as though this position has not been re-enacted in her music video. Janet it is not like the 502,618,840 and counting have not seen her do it on TV and probably replayed it over and over again and done what they need to do in the comfort of their homes. The only difference here girl is that people are living their fantasies in flesh in the public.
Lastly as a woman of colour myself and as a woman of colour that Janet Mock is, she says that historically women of colour have had their bodies framed as public property, as "mere objects to gawk and fondle".
Well what I will say is that this trend is still going on and its on voluntary basis. Take a look at the music videos and the adverts, 'women of colour' in the celebrity world choose to make themselves objects, they are not forced. We see it everyday in the music videos, so please Janet we are not victims we are the ones making ourselves objects.
The only way this objectification and perceived view of women of colour would stop is if they themselves wake up to the fact that we are not objects of sex for people's desires and sexual fantasies. Until then this will be the perceived view until I don't know when.....
It's going to take more than security forces to guard the perception and imagery that has already been waxed into the minds of the public even without this figure.....
I'm sure you are getting my gist right about now. Earlier this month Madam Tussauds in Las Vegas released the wax figure of Nicki Minaj as demonstrated below on all fours based on a scene from her record breaking video for Anaconda. Immediately when I saw this figure I was really short of words and all I could do was gasp. Although I remember thinking how real it really looked.....
To be quite honest I really felt disgusted looking at it and thought to myself if she is really trying to be a role model like for young girls who look up to her and love her music this is definitely not helping in any way.
What then further fuelled my annoyance was a video on Facebook I watched by Janet Mock talking about Nicki Minaj as being a victim of violation and objectification. Sort of blaming Madam Tussauds which I think is out of line.
Can somebody please explain to me how Nicki Minaj is a victim in any way shape or form?
Fair enough its a person's choice if you have chosen continuously to portray yourself as an image of lust and sex do you boo but then please accept the consequences of your actions!
According to Janet Mock via video she released on Facebook many people like her side eyed the figure in disgust, not because it depicts Nicki in a sexual way but because her "Her body is being taken out of context and being made to be some sort of prop, a stand in for other people's desires and fantasies''. Hold on I thought that's what the music industry was all about? correct me if I'm wrong but all I see in music videos these days is bum, boobs and basically nakedness. Why then suddenly when this figure is released Nicki is some sort of victim?
Poor Madam Tussauds they were just doing their job, doing what they always do with the celebrities they immortalize. Madam Tussauds in fact defended their choice to the Fader magazine
by saying "We made the decision to celebrate Minaj's unforgettable pose (The Anaconda video) because it resulted as one of the most iconic videos ever produced. As with all people we immortalize in our attractions her representatives were kept informed every step of the way during the figure creation process"
By that statement it is clear that Nicki in fact was aware of the creation process and was informed every step of the way and could have refused the figure to be moulded in this sort of position but in fact she hailed the figure all over her social media calling it 'Iconic'.
If the so called 'Victim' herself is in awe of the figure and loving it why is it so shocking that visitors will be groping the breasts of the statue and fondling the figure?
It makes me so confused that Janet would say that Tussauds intentionally chose to position her this way on all fours and "didn't do enough to protect her". It is not as though this position has not been re-enacted in her music video. Janet it is not like the 502,618,840 and counting have not seen her do it on TV and probably replayed it over and over again and done what they need to do in the comfort of their homes. The only difference here girl is that people are living their fantasies in flesh in the public.
Lastly as a woman of colour myself and as a woman of colour that Janet Mock is, she says that historically women of colour have had their bodies framed as public property, as "mere objects to gawk and fondle".
Well what I will say is that this trend is still going on and its on voluntary basis. Take a look at the music videos and the adverts, 'women of colour' in the celebrity world choose to make themselves objects, they are not forced. We see it everyday in the music videos, so please Janet we are not victims we are the ones making ourselves objects.
The only way this objectification and perceived view of women of colour would stop is if they themselves wake up to the fact that we are not objects of sex for people's desires and sexual fantasies. Until then this will be the perceived view until I don't know when.....
It's going to take more than security forces to guard the perception and imagery that has already been waxed into the minds of the public even without this figure.....
Sunday 16 August 2015
Almost one year on... My Uni experience
1 year ago around this time there were about 41 days until I
left home for Uni, time was ticking and the days were approaching where I would
have to say goodbye and move 87.0 miles all the way to Buckingham. Home for me
is South East London Catford and has been for almost all my life. As a young
person I would say you yearn for independence at some stage in your life. The ability
to be alone and have your own space without hearing your Mum at 7am on a Saturday
morning shouting your name and telling you that you haven’t cleaned the dishes
yet. I certainly do not miss that!
Although optimistic and excited I felt all sorts of nerves and I remember thinking to myself what would life in a Private University be like? My first thoughts and expectations was that I would be bored and that there wouldn’t be much to do in terms of activities because prior research let me know that Buckingham was a very small town. Believe it or not I even feared for my eyebrows, I thought to myself “Where will I go to get them threaded”? Simple things like that you see… Not to worry my eyebrows have not grown into a bush I have found where to get them done lol!
Even better there is an onsite salon which keeps us students
looking prim and proper!
Asides that I was scared if I would make friends and what my
uni accommodation would be like. I even pictured myself as a recluse because I didn’t
imagine that I would have time to socialise as it is a two year intensive degree.
Even the thought of meeting my future husband crossed my mind once or twice, ok
maybe even three times. “You never know Zoe you could meet him” “A lot of
people meet their spouse at University” Truth is everyone’s story is different
and just because it happened in a particular way for one person does not mean
it would be the same for me. It is a year on almost and nope I haven’t seen my
future husband yet lol! ;)
But you’ll be pleased to know I am not a recluse and I have
found plenty of things to do to have fun. Buckingham isn’t boring after all.
Saying goodbye on the cold windy day of 26th of
September to my family and crossing the bridge on Hunter Street to the OTM was
not easy. I could tell my mum bid me farewell quicker than I could even say bye
to avoid the awkward exchange that would result in tears. Even as I watched her
drive off the gulp in my throat became inevitable and I shed a few tears as I
made my way across the bridge to the Old
Tanlaw Mill where the life and personality of my fellow students old and new breathed
forth. I felt like I was walking into the unknown but there was no turning
back. I could hardly look at anyone in the eye I think I was even shyer than a
5 year old little girl by that point.
I didn’t know who to talk to, how to even socialise or where
to start from. Everyone looked like they had made friends already and were
already so chatty and bubbly. I thought to myself was there a book that I
should have read prior to coming to know how to make friends? I wanted the
ground to swallow me up. But before it could happen my now good friend Harriet saw
me sheepishly walking up and down the bar area contemplating if I should scurry
back to my room. She introduced herself to me and we got talking and we have
been inseparable since then.
From then up until this point there have been so many
memories, I have found my one year experience here to be very interesting. Very
much like any other student experience there have been times when I have cried
myself to sleep as I have felt so homesick but then I think to myself ‘Zoe you
are only one hour 30 minutes by train away from home”. My eyes have been opened
culturally as there are some many diverse people here. You would think each
season we are in a different country, from Holi, to Nigerian Independence Day
to society fair days. It has been amazing!
Oh and the 4am party nights where you end up coming home and
finding that you can only sleep for about 5 hours.
Uni has been an amazing experience so far and I look forward to the remaining year. I've almost seen it all I think, from people walking into class half asleep in their pyjamas to people doing their assignements last minute until early hours of the next morning and then getting a better mark than me :( I haven't mastered the art of lastmin.com yet.
I am enjoying every moment of it, the trips to Milton Keynes to shop, my communications, Media and Journalism degree is amazing and I feel fulfilled.
If you search Buckingham news on YouTube you may even see me anchoring the news :)
I am enjoying every moment of it, the trips to Milton Keynes to shop, my communications, Media and Journalism degree is amazing and I feel fulfilled.
If you search Buckingham news on YouTube you may even see me anchoring the news :)
Wednesday 12 August 2015
It's not my cup of tea
Hey guys,
I will pick right back up like I never left you. I'm so sorry for the long silence, lack of posting I've been crazy busy with Uni and everything else.
Today's post may seem a bit reflective and honest but it is what I'm feeling and I'm sure many of you reading have felt it too.
It's a very British thing to say 'He or she is not my cup of tea' it is a way to describe a dislike for something in a polite way. This phrase has been resounding in my head for some days now and not particularly due to something I don't like but because I feel I may not be some people's cup of tea. Reading this you may think 'Gosh c'mon Zoe that's common sense, you win some, you lose some' but for me in my head I've been living in a world where I feel that once you give love it is an automatic thing that you will receive it back. Basically in my ideal world love would be reciprocal.....
I have lived 8767 days here on earth and no I did not just count every single day since 199* up until now on my calendar I used Age calculator. 8767 may be a lot of days for me to have realised that 9 times out of 10 love is in fact not reciprocal and there will be many instances where you will feel emotionally cheated whereby you are the only one giving, giving, giving and the other party is taking. Nope I am not in a relationship for those wondering I am talking about simple platonic relationships.
My lovely mother has always warned me by saying 'Guard your heart Zoe' 'You go far to deeply emotionally into friendships' 'Take people for who they are' 'Don't be surprised if you are treated differently from what you expect'. I have heard it time and time again but I still choose to give people the benefit of the doubt and continue to let my feelings get hurt without voicing it out to the other person. It may not be a deliberate act from the other person but trust me I am way too sharp not to realise a sudden change in character.
I think I speak on behalf of the majority that if anyone has a problem with you as a person you would much rather prefer to be told then to be treated as though you are dirt on a person's shoe. For someone like me who has a mountain of insecurities little things trigger me off and drag me into a world of non-stop thinking. 'Was it something I said' 'What's the sudden change in attitude' 'What could I have possibly done' These are some of the things that will be playing on my mind for hours on end. If you're lucky you may even get a tear out of me.
It's sad but it is reality... These things happen time and time again to me and unfortunately for me I'm way too childish to learn from previous occurrences. Maybe it's the new trend that I'm still not used to. I think the trend is called like me today and loathe me tomorrow !
who knows? Only God knows ....
But from this day forward it's time to guard our hearts! Who's with me?
x x x
I will pick right back up like I never left you. I'm so sorry for the long silence, lack of posting I've been crazy busy with Uni and everything else.
Today's post may seem a bit reflective and honest but it is what I'm feeling and I'm sure many of you reading have felt it too.
It's a very British thing to say 'He or she is not my cup of tea' it is a way to describe a dislike for something in a polite way. This phrase has been resounding in my head for some days now and not particularly due to something I don't like but because I feel I may not be some people's cup of tea. Reading this you may think 'Gosh c'mon Zoe that's common sense, you win some, you lose some' but for me in my head I've been living in a world where I feel that once you give love it is an automatic thing that you will receive it back. Basically in my ideal world love would be reciprocal.....
I have lived 8767 days here on earth and no I did not just count every single day since 199* up until now on my calendar I used Age calculator. 8767 may be a lot of days for me to have realised that 9 times out of 10 love is in fact not reciprocal and there will be many instances where you will feel emotionally cheated whereby you are the only one giving, giving, giving and the other party is taking. Nope I am not in a relationship for those wondering I am talking about simple platonic relationships.
My lovely mother has always warned me by saying 'Guard your heart Zoe' 'You go far to deeply emotionally into friendships' 'Take people for who they are' 'Don't be surprised if you are treated differently from what you expect'. I have heard it time and time again but I still choose to give people the benefit of the doubt and continue to let my feelings get hurt without voicing it out to the other person. It may not be a deliberate act from the other person but trust me I am way too sharp not to realise a sudden change in character.
I think I speak on behalf of the majority that if anyone has a problem with you as a person you would much rather prefer to be told then to be treated as though you are dirt on a person's shoe. For someone like me who has a mountain of insecurities little things trigger me off and drag me into a world of non-stop thinking. 'Was it something I said' 'What's the sudden change in attitude' 'What could I have possibly done' These are some of the things that will be playing on my mind for hours on end. If you're lucky you may even get a tear out of me.
It's sad but it is reality... These things happen time and time again to me and unfortunately for me I'm way too childish to learn from previous occurrences. Maybe it's the new trend that I'm still not used to. I think the trend is called like me today and loathe me tomorrow !
who knows? Only God knows ....
But from this day forward it's time to guard our hearts! Who's with me?
x x x
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